Conflict or violence: what’s the difference?

How to tell the difference between conflicts and violence.
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You can hear it in the neighbourhood, see it in the street, or experience it in your own home: conflicts are a part of any relationship. They can be unpleasant or distressing, but that doesn’t automatically mean they amount to violence. What’s crucial is how the people involved treat each other during a conflict.

Non-violent conflicts

Conflicts in a relationship can take various forms: sometimes it’s just an ordinary difference of opinion, sometimes emotions run high and an argument breaks out.

In a non-violent conflict, the people involved can express their views without being afraid of how their partner will react.

They can argue, get angry, or fail to reach agreement, without threatening, controlling or hurting the other person.

When does violence start?

Several signs can indicate that a situation is not simply a conflict, but involves violence: for example, if someone is less interested in showing they are right than in exerting control over the other person. Or if conflicts are not triggered by a difference of opinion in a particular situation, but arise systematically and follow a set pattern: for example, if the same person always gets their way.
Or if one partner is intimidated or controlled.

So to distinguish between a conflict and a situation involving violence, you can ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does an argument involve a disagreement about a specific issue?
    Or has it more to do with someone being controlled?
  • Can the people involved express their views freely, and also say no, without having to worry about negative consequences?
    Or does someone adapt their behaviour for fear of the consequences or the other person’s reactions?
  • Are arguments conducted on an equal footing?
    Or does one person always get their own way, never listening to their partner’s concerns?
  • Do conflicts only arise occasionally?
    Or can regular patterns be seen?
Remember:

Even a single action can amount to violence – for example, shoving, hitting or threatening someone. Especially, if this frightens them and makes them change the way they behave.

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Are there any warning signs in your relationship?

With just a few clicks, the “Relationship check” can help you find out whether there are any warning signs of violence in your relationship.

Do the Relationship Check
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What can you do?

Numerous support and counselling services are available for people who experience violence, for those who witness it, and for those who have themselves violated boundaries and engaged in violence.

Get some advice
References

[1] Andreea Gruev-Vintila. Le contrôle coercitif : Au cœur de la violence conjugale. Paris : Dunod, 2026. Link


[2] Paula Krüger et Beat Reichlin. Kontakt nach häuslicher Gewalt? Leitfaden zur Prüfung und Gestaltung des persönlichen Verkehrs für Kinder bei Häuslicher Gewalt. Schweizerische Konferenz gegen häusliche Gewalt, 2025. Link


[3] Karen Sadlier. Violences conjugales : un défi pour la parentalité. Paris : Dunod, 2020. Link


[4] Michael Johnson. A Typology of Domestic Violence. Intimate terrorism, violent resistance and situational couple violence. Boston : Northeastern University Press, 2008.



Understanding the background –
preventing violence

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Victim support number 142

Call 142 to get free, anonymous advice if you have experienced violence or if someone close to you is affected by violence.

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Why equality prevents violence

When people seek to dominate others, the risk of violence is increased. Equality protects those affected – and can prevent violence arising in the first place.

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Background to the campaign

Domestic, sexual and gender-based violence has many causes and many faces. It is widespread in Switzerland, as it is elsewhere. Anyone can be affected, but women face a higher risk. To tackle this, the campaign focuses on two common sources of violence: power imbalances and discriminatory norms.

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How much control is too much?

When does control in a relationship become problematic, and what can be done if that happens.

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Defining our terms?

What forms of violence is this campaign addressing? And what exactly is meant by genderbased, sexual and domestic violence? Brief explanations are given here.

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